Good Lord! I'm sixty-five!
I was tempted to put capital letters on that Sixty-Five! What an age to be! What it has meant to me so far is that I get even less money now due to having to pay Medicare premiums out of my Social Security. (frustrated sigh!)
I've been considering my past and my future over the last year or so. It seems to me, looking back, that everything I've done or wanted to do has been impeeded by the lack of money.
I spent my teenage years rushing home after school to see if my father had survived the day (older parents can be an education all on their own!) because affordable home health care was not available and with my mother the only one bringing any real money into the house that painted me as care-giver.
I went to high school in the very affluent town of Newport Beach, California, and the subject of getting college money through scholarships was never even mentioned that I can remember. Most of the young people I went to school with had parents with enough money that their college education was guaranteed. Apply for scholarships? It never occured to me because no one ever mentioned it! I did well academically too so I very well might have qualified for a scholarship to a good college. If anyone had ever mentioned it. Guidance counselors? Oh Yes! Newport Harbor High School boasted the best of the best. They just didn't think to counsel me about going to college. This was the beginning of the 1960's and I didn't know enough to ask.
Since college was not on my horizon, I got a job! My first job brought me into contact with my first husband and the biggest disappointment of my mother's life. He was too old for me, she said. He had many negative qualities which she pointed out to me ad nauseum so how could I not love him? He needed me! He was from a comfortably wealthy family! His ex-wife did not understand him I was sure. I could be his care-giver and in return he would give me financial security. That last bit must have been on some unconscious level but it was, none the less, a factor.
At the mind-boggling age of 18 I married a man of 32 ner-do-well years. It only took weeks for me to realize that I was the mature one in this relationship and the security I thought I would get was no where to be found. The previous marriage had produced two daughter and a pile of bills big enough to choke a hippo! His wealthy family was very tired of bailing him out of financially troubled waters. I married him the same week the mortgage company foreclosed on the house he told me he owned free and clear. We went off on a two week "Honeymoon" up to his parent's ranch and when we came home. . . let me rephrase that. When the honeymoon was over we had no where to call home. In that same two week time frame I found myself not only homeless but pregnant. Two days after our homeless homecoming my father once again landed in the hospital with his heart problems. I could not very well run home to my mother although that is just what I wanted to do. She had enough on her plate as it was. Time for little Jill to grow up and live with the consequences of her actions. So I harrassed my husband into finding us a tiny little rental house (he would have been happy for us to stay on in his old bedroom at his parent's house) and we settled in to await the birth of our first child. I took the financial reins as well determined to see to it that our bills, old and new were paid in a timely manner.
My first child, a daughter I love to distraction, was born the day before my nineteenth birthday! She was a treasure for the very beginning! Actually, she's 46 now and still a treasure!
We lived from hand to mouth for the next 8+ years because Bing was forever buying himself toys. Our worst marital battles were always around money or the lack thereof or what to do with what we did have. In those years Bings girls from his first marriage were dropped on our door step and I had several miscarriages, a still-born 7 month baby, and a son we named Scotty! I had four children and a childish husband to care for all before my 21st birthday.
I had no financial means to leave and take care of my own children, did I? What exactly were my job qualifications for a good-paying job?
The wheels go round in circles.....
Yes they do.
Jill
I've been considering my past and my future over the last year or so. It seems to me, looking back, that everything I've done or wanted to do has been impeeded by the lack of money.
I spent my teenage years rushing home after school to see if my father had survived the day (older parents can be an education all on their own!) because affordable home health care was not available and with my mother the only one bringing any real money into the house that painted me as care-giver.
I went to high school in the very affluent town of Newport Beach, California, and the subject of getting college money through scholarships was never even mentioned that I can remember. Most of the young people I went to school with had parents with enough money that their college education was guaranteed. Apply for scholarships? It never occured to me because no one ever mentioned it! I did well academically too so I very well might have qualified for a scholarship to a good college. If anyone had ever mentioned it. Guidance counselors? Oh Yes! Newport Harbor High School boasted the best of the best. They just didn't think to counsel me about going to college. This was the beginning of the 1960's and I didn't know enough to ask.
Since college was not on my horizon, I got a job! My first job brought me into contact with my first husband and the biggest disappointment of my mother's life. He was too old for me, she said. He had many negative qualities which she pointed out to me ad nauseum so how could I not love him? He needed me! He was from a comfortably wealthy family! His ex-wife did not understand him I was sure. I could be his care-giver and in return he would give me financial security. That last bit must have been on some unconscious level but it was, none the less, a factor.
At the mind-boggling age of 18 I married a man of 32 ner-do-well years. It only took weeks for me to realize that I was the mature one in this relationship and the security I thought I would get was no where to be found. The previous marriage had produced two daughter and a pile of bills big enough to choke a hippo! His wealthy family was very tired of bailing him out of financially troubled waters. I married him the same week the mortgage company foreclosed on the house he told me he owned free and clear. We went off on a two week "Honeymoon" up to his parent's ranch and when we came home. . . let me rephrase that. When the honeymoon was over we had no where to call home. In that same two week time frame I found myself not only homeless but pregnant. Two days after our homeless homecoming my father once again landed in the hospital with his heart problems. I could not very well run home to my mother although that is just what I wanted to do. She had enough on her plate as it was. Time for little Jill to grow up and live with the consequences of her actions. So I harrassed my husband into finding us a tiny little rental house (he would have been happy for us to stay on in his old bedroom at his parent's house) and we settled in to await the birth of our first child. I took the financial reins as well determined to see to it that our bills, old and new were paid in a timely manner.
My first child, a daughter I love to distraction, was born the day before my nineteenth birthday! She was a treasure for the very beginning! Actually, she's 46 now and still a treasure!
We lived from hand to mouth for the next 8+ years because Bing was forever buying himself toys. Our worst marital battles were always around money or the lack thereof or what to do with what we did have. In those years Bings girls from his first marriage were dropped on our door step and I had several miscarriages, a still-born 7 month baby, and a son we named Scotty! I had four children and a childish husband to care for all before my 21st birthday.
I had no financial means to leave and take care of my own children, did I? What exactly were my job qualifications for a good-paying job?
The wheels go round in circles.....
Yes they do.
Jill
posted by Jill | 10:09 AM
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