Does Life Have Meaning?
Or are we all kidding ourselves? I wonder sometimes... actually I wonder lots of times if there is any deeper meaning to our existance on this earth other than to be another link the the food chain, something we've managed to circumvent for the most part.
When I die I would not mind having the old bod hauled out to a wilderness area where there are lions and tigers and bears (oh my!) so I could actually fullfill my place in the order of things. My children are shocked and horrified and laugh uncomfortably when I say this because they have a sneaking suspicion that I might be serious. The only thing that would bother me about the whole "returning to the earth" routine would be that somebody might stumble across the remains and be shocked and horrified. I would not want that. I'd hate like heck to ruin the vacation some family had been saving up for by plunging them into a biology lesson they had no intention of taking. So I guess I'll end up in a cardboard box in a crematorium somewhere....
I don't mind the idea of my life ending. I just don't feel like I've accomplished much while I've been here. I've gotten into some bad scrapes because I can't seem to keep a firm grip on my self worth and I make very ill-advised decisions when I lose sight of it.
I have music in me... I think I might be able to write it if I knew how. I have a small talent for playing keyboard instruments... a pretty quick ear and a sense of tone and harmony I don't think someone can learn. You pretty much have to be born with it.
I have written a couple of pretty good novels but I feel paralized when it comes to trying to get them published. I sent the first one out to a few places and received hand written rejections which is better than a many-times-copied copy of a form letter. I try to take steps to try to get these fiction pieces out to a publisher or author's agent but in the end I do nothing but spin my wheels. That has to be something deep and psychological that I'm not smart enough to figure out on my own and too poor to pay someone else to help me delve into it.
Some of my paintings are really GOOD! Some of them are not so hot. Again, I run into the old financial stopping block (or at least that's my excuse) of having to use cheap materials.... Bad frames detract from otherwise good paintings. And again I come up cold.
And the wheels continue to spin. Hmmph!
When I die I would not mind having the old bod hauled out to a wilderness area where there are lions and tigers and bears (oh my!) so I could actually fullfill my place in the order of things. My children are shocked and horrified and laugh uncomfortably when I say this because they have a sneaking suspicion that I might be serious. The only thing that would bother me about the whole "returning to the earth" routine would be that somebody might stumble across the remains and be shocked and horrified. I would not want that. I'd hate like heck to ruin the vacation some family had been saving up for by plunging them into a biology lesson they had no intention of taking. So I guess I'll end up in a cardboard box in a crematorium somewhere....
I don't mind the idea of my life ending. I just don't feel like I've accomplished much while I've been here. I've gotten into some bad scrapes because I can't seem to keep a firm grip on my self worth and I make very ill-advised decisions when I lose sight of it.
I have music in me... I think I might be able to write it if I knew how. I have a small talent for playing keyboard instruments... a pretty quick ear and a sense of tone and harmony I don't think someone can learn. You pretty much have to be born with it.
I have written a couple of pretty good novels but I feel paralized when it comes to trying to get them published. I sent the first one out to a few places and received hand written rejections which is better than a many-times-copied copy of a form letter. I try to take steps to try to get these fiction pieces out to a publisher or author's agent but in the end I do nothing but spin my wheels. That has to be something deep and psychological that I'm not smart enough to figure out on my own and too poor to pay someone else to help me delve into it.
Some of my paintings are really GOOD! Some of them are not so hot. Again, I run into the old financial stopping block (or at least that's my excuse) of having to use cheap materials.... Bad frames detract from otherwise good paintings. And again I come up cold.
And the wheels continue to spin. Hmmph!
posted by Jill | 9:32 PM
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